The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

P.O.T.A. and F.L.O.T.A.

Posted by Daniel on Wednesday, February 8, 2006

I don’t know if any of you are now – or have ever been – members of a Homeowners Association, but let me tell you, it’s never dull. Especially if you’re the President of said Association (it’s my “second term”).In January 2005, I was elected President of Willowbrook Homeowners Association (membership stands at 104 homes). One would think the job must be a breeze. After all, what is there to do, really? I’ll tell you…A LOT!! Before that, I was on the Board of Directors and I had to work my ass off on pretty much every project that could possible involve the art of making everyone happy all the time. I figured, “Okay, now I’m President. I get to just delegate, right?” Wrong. I was on top of everything from creating newsletters, to neighborhood cleanup’s (storm debris and the like) to decorating the subdivision for the holidays – my favorite part was lighting the Holiday Tree. Anytime one of the Board Members or Committee volunteers couldn’t step up and do their prescribed assignment, “Call P.O.T.A.”. It became a full-time job (non-paying, of course). Needless to say, by summer Steve (a/k/a F.L.O.T.A.) was over it. “Why do you have to do everything?” Naturally, I’d sit there in the Rectangular Office wondering the same thing. I’d just say, “I’m on top of it, Honey, and it’s going to get back on track. Not to worry.”Well, this past January elections were held and, guess what, I was re-elected to the post. It was a landslide (suprisingly). Of course F.L.O.T.A. gave a noticable furrowing of the brow…the one which I refer to our friends as “That Look”. (honestly, it can scare the crap out of me sometimes…hehe) “Relax, Sweety,” I’d say. “This means I have a mandate (or is that Man Date?). I have political clout and I intend to spend it.” Amazing, the vast distance between a statment like that and reality.

I can’t tell you how often the phone rings – even late at night – with neighbors (lobbyists) calling with requests for me to handle their noisy neighbors, the kids speeding through the area to/from the school, blah…blah…blah. It can really pile up, if you know what I mean.

So, last night, I held the first “cabinet” meeting of 2006. The Secretary, Treasurer, Vice-President and Board of Directors were in attendance and we hashed out a war plan. The meeting proved very edumakayshanel. We recently experienced a house fire in one of the homes (we named it Firestorm Katrina) and worked out a budget to help out the victims. Next we’re going to tackle the “War on Speeding”. A plan was devised to combat speeders with a troup of volunteers who, by the way, will be outfitted with the best body armor. This plan even has an exit strategy. We project zero casualties. And, due to the fact that we oversaw a budget surplus from last year (hey, George…give me a ringy-dingy…we’ll compare notes), we can purchase the speed deterrants.

F.L.O.T.A. provided fesh-baked cookies with Hershey’s kisses (I call them Sugar Nipples, cause that’s what they look like) and coffee and the attendee’s were, as always, quick to compliment the gracious host and all of the beautiful appointments throughout the “Bluehouse”. Honestly, no President was ever prouder of his better half. Now I know how Bill Clinton felt…minus the fat chick.Well I’ve got to get going. There seems to be some big political bruhaha in the Middle-East side of our street. One neighbor is accusing another of throwing pet poop over the fence. “Honey, you’d better get my Roadmap…I’m not sure how to get to that house.”

It’s going to be a great year, my fellow Associates. May the Celestial Muffin bless you.

Daniel – P.O.T.A.

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