The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

We’re the “Can-Do” guys.

Posted by Daniel on Monday, May 29, 2006

Happy Memorial Day

Well, it's Monday…Memorial Day, to be precise. And we're going to do what every red-blooded American does on such a solemn occasion…go shopping. Not that we don't respect the memory of those brave fallen. I can't emphasize enough how we honor, respect and support our troops – past and present. That doesn't mean, however, that we have any respect for the asshole sending them into harm's way.

But enough of that tangent.

For today, Steve and I are going shopping. Not because we just can't get enough of that delightful smell in our local Super Walmart. No. It's because on days like this, I'm proud to be an American who has the rights and freedom – for now, at least – to shout out to the world, "We're here! We're queer! Honey grab that shopping cart!!"

Seriously, where else can you buy a Spongebob pinata, a set of radial tires and a genuine "Rolox" watch at four in the morning?

After that, we're going to our local builders' supply store to buy more material to finish making the patio…or what I call the outdoor lanai. (because I'm such a "Mo")

Let me tell you, this project has been the bane of my weekends and I just can't wait until it's done. As of yesterday, I can honestly say that Steve and I have put our blood, sweat and tears into this damned project.

Oh yes, there were tears!!

Here's how it works…When you're laying a brick patio, you're basically placing a layer of paving sand down on level ground, and then putting the brick down. Then, it's just a matter of setting it with a mallet so that it's lays level. Sounds simple enough, right?


Oh wait a minute. There is that part about using a mallet.

With your hands.

Which have fingers.

Begging to be smashed.

Wish granted.

During this project, Steve has been pouring sand and stacking bricks (and doing a super job of it, Baby!) while I spread and level the sand and place the bricks. After a few bumps and frustrating resets, we were off and running smoothly. After a while of being hunkered down doing this, however, my back was in need of a stretch. So while I took a breather, Steve began to place some bricks in my stead. While I'm inside getting a cool tasty beverage, Steve bursts in shouting in pain holding his finger.

Smash #1. Resulting in a small, but ugly cut and a blood blister. Eww! And on the finger normally used to flip people off tell people they're #1.

After nursing the obviously painful boo-boo with antibiotic and bandaids, not to mention a 10-minute break for our nerves, we were back to the job at hand. (so to speak)

Now I'm back to my job, pounding sand and hitting the bricks. Wouldn't you know that 10-minutes after Steve's accident, I'm placing bricks and yammering away with him, and I take my eyes off the work for a second…SMASH!!! Mallet landing flat and hard on top of the fingernail area. I won't bother repeating the words I shouted in between sobbing and writhing in pain, but suffice it to say I scored no points in Heaven.

For those who've never had the pleasure of stupidly smashing a mallet onto and exposed digit, count yourselves lucky as shit! This is not a kind of pain I'd wish on anyone…well, almost anyone. For a guy, it ranks right up there with pissing out kidney stones, only without all of the fanfare of a nurse trying to convince you it's the male equivalent to giving birth. Well, I've done that twice (I named them Rocky and Pebbles) and I can attest that this is , in fact, an accurate comparison.


On top of all that, we were working in very hot and humid conditions. That wasn't adding any comfort to our work, let me tell you.

So there you have it. Blood (from Steve's boo-boo), Sweat (fucking humidity) and Tears (in between curses).

It's all been worth it, I suppose. The patio looks great if I do say so myself. All it's lacking is some "dressing up". Hence today's shopping.

Well, for that and some more bandaids. After all, the new greenhouse is arriving this week and we have to put that together.


One Response to “We’re the “Can-Do” guys.”

  1. Anonymous said

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