The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

Caution: Gay Construction Ahead – Part 3 – Adding Insult to injury.

Posted by Daniel on Monday, July 24, 2006

The more of this construction stuff I’m doing around the house, the more I learn that straight guys are just a teensy bit more like us than even they care to admit. Case in point:

Whenever straight guys are working on any type of inside or outside-the-house projects, there is always that special tool they’ll need to buy for the occasion.

Kinda like how we are planning a night out to go dancing at the Izzit Inn and have blown through the closet piecing together the fourteenth wardrobe combination, only to decide we need to go shopping.

This is, I suppose, how shopping for tools apparently came so easy to me.

Before starting on our laundry list of projects – both inside and outside – this year, our tool chest in the garage consisted of two wimpy hammers (that don’t match), a butt-load of mismatched screwdrivers that it looks like we found in the street, every hex driver that came with certain pieces of Wal Mart ‘furniture’, and a handful of weird screws and nails, half of which were either bent or stripped.

Oh how times have changed. In order to take down the old deck, I needed a reciprocating saw (a/k/a “Saw’s-All”). If you aren’t familiar with this little gem, imagine one of those electric knives people used to carve turkeys with in the 80’s. Now picture that and a jack-hammer having sex. My Saw’s-All would be their 15 pound baby.

So far, we’ve used this tool to take down the old deck, dismantle the bar downstairs in the family room, and now it’s being used in the construction of the new deck.

Yesterday, I met it’s cousin, the “Hammer Drill” (made by the same company and it looks just like my saw). Steve’s bother owns that hot little number.

Another recent aquisition came when Steve’s brother Ric (who loves to show off his tools) made fun of my wimpy little hammer and pulled out this thing that I thought was an axe. It was a hammer, only twice the regular size. Well, that just set Steve off and on his next shopping spree, he hands me my very own hammer-zilla. I loved what he said when he handed it to me, “Nobody puts Baby in a corner.”

It’s called a “Fat Max”, and once I got over the clandestine inuendo, I loved it!

This new hammer has already smashed the finger that I mangled working on our brick patio a couple of months ago.

He also bought me an 18-inch hack saw. This little piece of work is the cause of my current injury.

Funny thing about working on any construction site (even in your own back yard), you really have to be conscious of where people are putting tools.

I needed to get a piece of scrap wood from a pile and after grabbing the right one, I stepped over a box of deck hardware, only to discover (the hard way) that someone had placed the hack saw into the box, blade side out. The blade went right into my shin bone. It was the bottom saw in this picture.

(there WAS going to be a picture here, but it was just too gross. but if you’re that morbid, click this link)

Oh, the pain!

Oh, the blood!!

Oh, the hysterics!!!

Oh, the shopping I’m going to have to do!!! After all, one apparently does need the appropriate safety gear for these types of projects.

Does anyone know where I can get my hands on a rhinestone-encrusted tool belt and some velvet-lined knee pads?


4 Responses to “Caution: Gay Construction Ahead – Part 3 – Adding Insult to injury.”

  1. Christina said

    Ok, I must delurk to leave you a huge Thank You for the many giggles I get reading your site. I followed a link from Tempest months ago and am completely addicted. I am eagerly awaiting further installments of the Gay Construction Project. I assume you will post pics of the end result, right?
    Try not to hurt yourself any further ok? That is one nasty-ass cut! Wishing you good health, cooler temps and a happy ending to your project. Thanks again for the laughs.

    SanDiegoDem from Dkos

  2. Christina said

    Ooops!! I meant..I followed a link from REVEL…sheesh.

  3. Oh, the way this bitch of a project is moving, I think there will be several (at least) more installments of this. Hey, as long as I’ve got limbs to lose, there will still be work to be done. Oh and yes, there will be pictures of all of this. See, Revel and I don’t have a digital camera (welcome to the 80’s) and so we are too dependant on the WalMart crappy disposable ones. You know, the ones that take a century to fill and a millenia to develope?

  4. […] This will be our “Pumpkin Slasher V” party which is for pumpking carving and obviously costumes. Much fanfare goes into this as there are always fabulous prizes for best costumes and pumpkins. Naturally, pumpkin carving must be done outside (because some folks bring power tools for the job), so the new and improved deck (see here, here, here, here and here) is perfectly set up for just that. […]

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