The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

Thith Ith Tho Thterotypical

Posted by Daniel on Thursday, August 17, 2006

Last night, I had a dream that I was riding a yellow twinkie-shaped ostrich through the Grand Canyon. We were headed to some local attraction called “Donkey Town”. Once there, the mayor – named OnASSis – (swear to gawd, that was his name) gave me a bouquet of lavender roses and then pushed me into a barrel full of gummi bears and then rolled me into the Colorado River. But instead of water, it was running with confetti…but not the kind of confetti you’d normally think of. This confetti was a mixture of bonbons, sweetmeats and confections…

Holy shit!! What the hell did I eat last night?!

I mentioned this dream to two friends earlier today, both of whom are notorious for their self-proclaimed ability to interpret dreams.

The first was Shannon in Manchester. She’s one of those characters who constantly refers to herself as a “bohemian sucked out of time”. Now, I have no earthly idea what she means by that, but when you talk to her, it’s a fitting mantra. Anyhoo, when I told her of my peptic-acid-trip, she went on and on about how my inner-child is crying out for outer man-love and that the animal-lover in me was feeling lost in a sea of carnivorous unfulfillment. (no shit, her words, verbatim!!) Eventhough we were IMing, I had to take a mental step back and say, “Ooookkkaaayyy. Time for Princess Hash Brownie to come back out of the clouds. And can she bring Shannon back with her?” One of her last lines before I jumped off her cloud was, “Go ahead and laugh, Tamar, but you can’t keep running from the colors you dream in. Love in the Sunshine!”

I love Shannon to death, but (and I’ve said this to her on many occasions, so there’s no guilt here) she’s a f’in fa-reaky chic. She’s called me “Tamar” since the second day we talked. I still don’t know why, but I’m assuming it’s some hippie name she made up for me. She did, however, teach me well about “dreaming in colors”. That saved my life not too long ago, but that’s a story for another time.

Shannon, this is SO you and Burt!!!

Moving on…

The other person I described my trip to bizarroland to was Ethan. Let me tell you, the differences between Shannon and Ethan are like night and day, apples and oranges, freakshow hippie lady and sarcastic down-to-Earth hot married Australian gay guy.

Ethan is a very good listener and is many times my online rock. He listened while I described this fucked up dream of mine and only uttered “Um hmmm” a couple of times. I just knew he could come up with the true interpretation for me. His silence was dripping with sage wisdom.

“So, what do you think?”, I asked him.

Verrry long pause. (I actually thought he closed his IM at one point)

Just when I was about to “ping” his ass, he responds.

“Mate, I just told my hubby about this and we both agree. One of the reasons we love you so much is because you’re such a fucking freaky bugger. This dream of yours means you’re supposed to come and visit us again. You’re long overdue and this dream is your guilt talking. Oh, and that you eat too much candy! By the way, how is Stephen?”

I do so love candy. 😉

I dunno. Maybe the reason I was so freaked out about this dream – other than the fact that it was about food and, apparently, “ass” – is that I don’t dream very often…if at all. At least I don’t ever remember if and when I do. It isn’t as though I wake up every morning and say, “Wow, that was a great/fucked up dream. I need to write that one down.”

Never happens.

Maybe I just had some bad salami. Maybe it was because I watched “Kyle XY” again. It might be an “ass” thing. Or is it the big hole the Grand Canyon represents? No, it must be all the hard work on the big deck in the heat while on so many meds.

Oooh, my fingers look like neon when I wave them in the air!

Oh! Spiders!!!

Maybe both Shannon and Ethan are right…

I am such a MO…

…and I’m hungry.


2 Responses to “Thith Ith Tho Thterotypical”

  1. Scott said

    The one who looks confused, as if he was asked to flex his right arm and is still trying to figure out which arm is his right arm, is mine. Oh, that’s all of them you say? Honey, we’re going to need a bigger “deck”.

  2. Steve and I saw the perfect one for you…He works at the Subway on Woods Chapel…WOW!!!

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