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Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Posted by Daniel on Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Just when I think people in traffic can’t get any dumber, out pops a new graduate of the school of stupidity.

Keep in mind two very important facts while reading this:
1) It only takes 7 minutes of driving between my driveway and my work parking lot.
2) I encounter at least 5 or 6 idiot drivers each way.

Yesterday I was on my way home from work and I am on a certain Parkway. This parkway is two lanes going northbound and two lanes going southbound. There is a median between the two. As I’m driving north, this hillbilly in a new white Lincoln Towncar (who is waiting at a cross street) decides he’s waited long enough to merge into traffic.

As there’s a lot of new construction in the area, you see a lot of cement mixer vehicles going to and from project sites.

The hillbilly in question has no intentions of waiting for the next cement truck and GUNS it across the parkway and nearly slams sidelong into my side of my truck. Had it not been for my cat-like driving prowess (?), not to mention my heavy hand on the horn, this reject from Deliverance would have seen my “purdy myouth” up close and personal.

I have a theory about this particular dude driving this particular vehicle:
Either he stole the car and he’s trying to make a fast getaway, or else the meth business is REALLY booming these days.

All of this happens within a few seconds, as is always the case.

So, after quickly recovering from this near death experience (can you say Drama Queen??), I am happily continuing on my merry way up the parkway. Just before I get to the light where I make my turn home, “Clem” races by me in his meth-mobile and FLIPS ME OFF!!!


“Oh, sorry. My Bad. I should have given you the right-of-way. How could I have been so insensitive? I’m sure you have a lot of “deliveries” to make and were just trying to fill your crack-whore quota.”

I’m sure this is yet another experience I should just chaulk up to “driving while smarter than everyoine else”. Clearly the drivers elsewhere are just as ferociously stupid as those here in Missouri. Maybe the stupid drivers near you even have mullets like they do here.

Well, I’ve gotta go. I’m on my way to work and the Parkway beckons. Maybe I’ll get cut off by one of those Caravans this time.

Note: I fucking HATE Caravans!!


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