The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

The Thing That Ate My Weekend

Posted by Daniel on Monday, September 4, 2006

littleshopofhorrors.jpgHow do I sum up the past several months with one single image…?

Easy. ——-> ——-> ——-> ——-> ——->

But we’ll get to all of that in a sec. First, we’ll play catch-up.

Even though today is actually both Steve & my 5th anniversary as well as my …ty …rd birthday, we had the celebration two nights ago.

1) So that people could still have their holiday weekend, and…

2) ‘Cause we wanted to show off the new deck.

Since our party was scheduled to begin at 4:00 PM on Saturday, we were obviously pressed to get the big deck project completed. I can tell you that between Ric, Scott, Steve and I, we worked our asses off.

On Saturday, Scott and I worked from 10 am to 3 pm putting the electrical work in so that there could be power for the lamp posts, fountains, stereo and, because it’s summer, the bug zapper.

By the way, I’ve added a photo to the “Our Big Deck” tab at the top of the page. There will be others added next week.

During this time, Steve was a whirlwind inside getting everything set up.

Four o’clock and guests started arriving. Somehow, Steve and I managed to each be ready to receive them. By 5:00, the place was packed.

We’ll fast-forward to the good stuff now.

Bev and Mel, as promised, brought the mixed frozen drink they call “Boozie Slush”. Many lovely liquors mixed with some fruit juices and cherries and mandarin oranges and crushed pineapple. Mixed well and then frozen.

Guess where I hovered.

Now, before I go on, keep in mind the fact that I, as a rule, drink very rarely and even then it’s maybe a couple of Smirnoff Ice’s and then on to just some regular soda or water. By “very rarely” I mean maybe 3 or four times a year. But if you bring “Boozie Slush” into the mix…I’m all over it.

So I’m working on my 3rd or 4th serving of the above-mentioned ambrosia, and I’m being my usual dry witty self.

I think…really it was all a fabulous blur. I do remember there was a lot of people on the deck (mission accomplished) and they were all chatting, laughing and apparently have a great time.

At this point I should say a big “Thank You” to everyone for all the lovely gifts. While this was most certainly not the point of the party, they were very sweet thoughts. There were some Spongebob items (color me surprised), a beautiful plant called a Dutchman’s Pipe, and tons of other stuff.

Two items really come to mind as ‘show-stoppers’…

Michelle brought a plate of chocolates. Big deal, right? Well, they were special because they were in, shall we say, interesting shapes. Of the male appendage variety. White and dark chocolate. They really went over well and were quite a hit. I believe I either heard or said phrases like, “They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.”, “Try one before they get soft.”, “They’re delicious. I had two in my mouth at once.” (that one was said by Ray), “Take a picture of me while I have one in my mouth.”, and so on. Needless to say, there were none left over.

Hey, Michelle. I said “bring chocolate decks!!!

The other was an even “bigger” hit. My neighbor, Pam, said she has a Bird of Paradise for my birthday, but she needs help getting it over here. I asked her how big it was. What she described sounded like it would easily fit into my greenhouse. “Oh sure.”, she says. She then rounded up 5 people and my plant dolly to move it from her solarium to my house.

So I’m busy drinking and socializing when all of a sudden, someone comes up to me and says there’s something in my driveway that I simply must see. It’s the plant from Pam. So I go out front to see it.


The thing is about 6 feet tall, six feet wide and weighs about 250 to 300 pounds!!! It’s the mother of all Bird of Paradise. A closer look reveals that there is a spider plant growing around the base of the plant that has just kept growing upon itself for YEARS. And the plant dolly they used to ‘roll’ it over from three houses down now has two completely smashed – not flattened – smashed wheels.

I’m stunned. Not only will it not roll anywhere, it will never ever fit into my greenhouse throught he door.

Now it looks like I have yet another project on my hands…re-potting the ginormous plantzilla before it eats a neighbors’ dog or something. Thanks, Pam. If I survive this weekend, I’ll get Audry II nursed back to health. Pictures of this monster will be posted soon.

Anyway, somewhere during the evening, Steve and I are invited out to the clubs the next night. Normally, if I’ve drank, I tend to like to reserve the next day for recovery and sheer laziness. But we accepted the invitation.

By the way, Danny & Kurt, when you insist people meet you out and you then don’t show up because you’re still hungover from the previous night…bad homos!! Bad bad homo’s!!!

But we did meet up with Scott (not the Scott of deck-building or the contributoe…another Scott) and Tom (or as I call them, Harold & Maude) and Todd.

Now, I wasn’t that hungover from our party, and Steve and I so rarely get to go out these days living in suburbia, so we were all-too-happy to go to mingle with the mo’s.

Bottom line, I don’t remember a single thing. We apparently bar-hopped and I was drinking tequila shots (which I haven’t done in years. Steve is still filling me in on everything that was said and done so forgive me for not being more descriptive. I’ve spent all of today trying to get through the killer hangover I so richly deserve for stupidly hitting the hard liquor.

In the end, all of the hard work we’ve done this summer with the new deck, greenhouse, family room, windows, carpet, etc. was proven very worthwhile this past Saturday. As painful an experience as the actual building process was, just seeing all the smiling faces and hearing the compliments really brought it home.


2 Responses to “The Thing That Ate My Weekend”

  1. RevelKC said

    A good time was had by all–on both nights! By yesterday, of course, both of us were in detox central…boy am I out of practice at the drinking game.

    But, what are holidays and special occasions for, but taking a couple of days after to recover from them! 🙂

  2. RevelKC said

    Oh, and the plant is Audrey III…it ATE Audrey II!!!

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