The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

Gay Division 101

Posted by revelkc on Friday, September 15, 2006

Before the panic starts this is not a post about leather daddies versus screaming nellies, or lipstick lesbians versus butch gals. This is about the time honored (and worn, to some extent) phrase “my other half”.

I was inspired by our community collective, Best Gay Blogs which, depending on the amount of time I have, I at the very least skim daily. (I am not kissing up…ok, maybe just a skosh, but I do read it daily because I get email alerts to remind me!). A couple of days ago they highlighted Single in the City crafted by a very attractive young man known as “The Single Guy”. What follows is an excerpt from his recent post “There is no WE in Single”:

“Humans spend half of their waking life talking, dealing, sorting, getting, ending and entering into relationships. Single people spend thousands of dollars on online dating, self-help books, dating coaches, and anti depressants in the search for their other half. Some later spend three times that much to divorce or break up with their other half.

I have managed to write thousands of words on being single, relationships and love¦ yet it somehow seems that everyone..or at least anyone who is single is looking for their other half. Do we need another person to make us complete? Or is this type of thinking just an unhealthy form of co-dependency?

Can single people be complete on their own? I would like to think that is the case¦ but the co-dependant me sometimes can take over¦ .I like to think that the independent single lifestyle is alive and going strong…but sometimes this is more the theory than in practice. I throw myself into hobbies, friendships and other interest¦ but I still come back to the search and need for my mate…my partner and my lover, I’ll say it…my other half!”.

He nails it from the single perspective, and mirrored what I thought just over 5 years ago and a half a world away. (There must be solace in some things being universal!) I don’t even want to begin to calculate how much money, time, and emotional effort I burned through trying to bring into reality “my other half”. The search can in turns be exhilarating and exhausting. What I shared with Single Guy, and what I am writing today, is an affirmation to the single man from a former member of their ranks, now these 5 years willingly tied to “his other half”. I reached a thirty-something age, which is different for each person, I am sure (for some it may be a twenty- something, forty-something, or for all I know an eighty-something age) where it “came together” for me mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. By “came together”, in the simplest terms, I was ready. And by ready, I mean things were in order for me to truly open myself up to the possibility of having the person in my life I was meant to be with.

Not to be too much of a New Age flower child, but my clarity came from studies of Wicca and other pagan philosophies. I became “open” to the possibility of sharing my life with that one special man. I stopped trying so hard to make it happen, that I allowed it to happen.

Now the tricky part–this is going to be different for each and every person. The way that the forcing (if you’ll pardon the pun) the square peg into the round hole becomes the ease (oops, another pun) of the round peg in the round hole will be different for each person. Predictable as it sounds, quite often it will happen when you stop worrying about it. Trust me, and enjoy the break, because when it does you have a whole new set of (wonderful, romantic, aggravating, and heartwarming) concerns.

I think this is the most important: You are a complete person ALL ON YOUR OWN. The phrase “my other half” is a sweet euphemism embraced my millions (including my other half) to denote that special bond we have. Daniel, I honestly believe, delights in the realization people get (see our Uber Super Deluxe Right Wing Christian neighbors behind us) when the “other half” he is referring to, turns out to be all 6’3″ of me. But he is, and I am, strong, individual people who have healthy self images and assurance, enhanced and enriched by sharing those traits with each other.

I wasn’t ready to be with my other half until I was whole myself. And I also believe some people live rich, fulfilling lives filled with love without actually bonding to one specific person. May the Single Guy and all the rest of you single guys and gals find the happiness you deserve and may you too be enriched for it.

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2 Responses to “Gay Division 101”

  1. Single Guy said

    Hey mate..

    Thanks so much for the kind words about my blog. I think many single guys feels the same way not matter where they are in the world. I get emails from all over the world..saying the same thing…I hear ya!

    Everyone says the same thing..that I will find that other person. Sometimes it can be frustrating. I have been single for seven years now and just turned 30. I will be trying my luck in Europe next year as I have given up home of finding a boyfriend down under.

    I do hope it will all come together. But if not, I will be happy on my own!

  2. Okay, I don’t know that I “delight” so much in “the realization people get” when they see my “other half”. I think it’s more like, “What’s the big fucking deal?? He’s with me. I’m with him. We’re a couple. We’re in love. Try the veal.”

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