The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

Caution: Gay Construction Ahead – Part 6 – Jan, Don’t Forget Your Shawl!

Posted by Daniel on Saturday, September 30, 2006

https://i0.wp.com/www.richardsphotography.com/images/foliage14_omni_4x5.jpgOne thing about living in the midwest is that the seasons change faster than Cher’s eyebrows. (seriously, is it just me or does it look like they’re trying to crawl off her face??)

Here in our little corner of Missouri, it’s all rolling hills, lakes and, of course, trees. Everywhere. You can’t throw a rhinestone without hitting a tree. And right about now, you see those tell-tale signs of Fall creeping in by the sprays of yellow, red and brown. In less than a month, everything will look like it’s on fire.

As beautiful as this time starts out, there is something to counter the beauty…frost. We’ve already had several overnights that have dipped below 45 degrees fahrenheit. Ordinarily this never becomes a second thought to me, however I have new babies to think about starting this year.

As many of you know, we’ve added a greenhouse this year, mostly because our two-car garage can’t hold all of the plants over the winter. Not that there’s not enough room, but because Steve hates having to machete his way from his car into the house. Though he does look kinda cute wearing a pith helmet. For more on the greenhouse, see here and here.

I love the winters here, because you never know what you’re really going to get. You know, just like gay Tom Cruise when he opens his mouth. It could be snow (measuring in the feet), ice storms, 10-below temps, a combination of all three…or nothing. Nothing but cold. Bitter, frigid, nipples-poking-people’s-eyes-out cold.

This will be the maiden voyage for the new greenhouse and I’m just a little nervous. Will it weather the storms?

Today, Steve and I are going to do the weather proofing and install the new greenhouse heater.

Sidebar: This greenhouse came as a kit and when Scott, Steve and I put it together, it slid tightly together. To look at it, you’d never think it would leak so frakking much when it rains. Oh, but it DOES!!!

We’re more than sure today’s project will make a world of difference. My only real concern is ice storms. The heater will be able to keep up with the outside snow. Ice is another thing entirely.

https://i0.wp.com/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/1/1b/Musacoccinea1web.jpg/225px-Musacoccinea1web.jpgAnd what about my babies? This year I’ve had such great success with my tropicals. Bird of Paradise, Kentia Palms, Pink Banana Trees (how gay is that, I ask you??), Lobster Claws and others. These take a year or so to sprout and except for the B.O.P., they are only now sprouting. (the bird of paradise are already 6″ tall)

I’ve worked very hard on growing these tropicals, which is no small feat because out of every 20 seeds (which are very expensive, let me tell you), you might get one – maybe two – actual plants. Then there’s no guarantee you’ll be able to keep them alive. So far, I have seven Bird of Paradise. Well, eight if you count the seven foot monster Pam gave me for my birthday a few weeks ago. (see here for more on that.)

So, these lovelies are going to be sitting in the greenhouse, during the winter, huddled together, probably crying. Oh, the guilt will eat me alive. All except for Pam’s monster. Even after pruning it down, spraying the entire thing to rid it of the fungus it was covered in (hey Pam, what the fuck did you do to this thing?!?). If, and that’s a very big if, it makes it through winter, it will have to do it in the garage. It’s still just too big (in the pot it weighs about 350 lbs.) 

So today’s project is a very important one. With all the money invested in the greenhouse, the building materials, the plants/seeds and all the accessories, all of this had better work.

Shit, if Steve knew I spent $45 last year on the seeds that are now growing in there, he’d shit a brick and have my ass outside all winter with a fucking blow dryer making sure nothing froze.

Oops!! Love you, Baby! 😉

Actually, I’m more than sure our efforts today will work. We’re nothing if not collectively fastidious when mapping out and tackling the tricky details. Oh sure, there’s a lot of trial and error involved, but that’s part of the deal, I guess.

Yeah, this is going to work great.

I think.

I hope.

I have to go now. Need to buy a blow dryer.

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One Response to “Caution: Gay Construction Ahead – Part 6 – Jan, Don’t Forget Your Shawl!”

  1. Scott said

    Your new challenge for the greenhouse, I want Dragon Fruit every morning for breakfast when I get home. See what you can find out. Huggers!

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