The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

Party Like It’s 1599

Posted by Daniel on Monday, October 9, 2006

renfest.gifRenaissance Festival. It came so fast. It went even faster.

Now, before you judge us for enjoying so much this fun little event, hold your tongues. (I see you out there…pointing and laughing!!)

Steve and I go to RenFest every year, usually with friends, and we have a blast.

He gets his cards and Astrology read…I make fun of the hippies characters that cross my path.

He loves to see the shows, especially the “Jolly Rogers” – which we missed this year – and the now-defunked “Fickle Bitches”…I love the food, and buying shit neither of us really needs. This year, however, I didn’t do much shopping and Steve didn’t get to see the shows he wanted to see. and large, there is one thing he and I never miss…Our annual “buying of the egg”. This tradition started the year we met and we look forward to adding to the collection. These eggs are beautifully created by the sweetest lady…with the biggest set of knockers I’ve ever seen! Her eggs – called “Royal Eggs” – are large goose eggs, festooned with jewels and the fabrics inside are impossible to find. I remember telling her once that she should really go all out and decorate her, um, wrack the same way. I’m telling you, this woman is boob-a-licious!

Okay, I’ll admit, that was crass and I should put that kind of talk on a shelf.

Speaking of shelves, how do they get their breastices to ‘prop up’ the way they do? It’s as if they’re trying to say, “Here you go.”

This year we brought our friend Todd, my co-worker Michelle and her two teen-age boys. Derek & John had never been to a hippie fest RenFest, so I’m hoping they enjoyed themselves. As for Michelle and I, well, we did what we normally do on any given day…we made fun of people. I know, that’s not nice. But hey, you gotta stick with your strengths, right? And I really do think “People Watching” should be a competitive sport., on the other hand, played kindred spirit to Steve. They’re both a tad more level-headed than I and a LOT more tactful. They both had their fortunes told, too. Apparently they both love having their readings done. I shouldn’t trivialize it, though, because Steve and Todd really do take those things seriously. But guys, for future reference, I’d be more than happy to read your beads in public and have you hand me a $20. 😉

Speaking of Todd, he’s decided to learn to play the flute…or the carved bamboo version of one. That’s SO Todd. He’s always open to things like that. He so needs a man. “Todd, when I said find a man and play the skin flute…you misunderstood!!”

If you’ve never been to a Renaissance Festival, you’re really missing out. Now, I can’t speak for the ones they may have in your area, but the one here in Kansas City is huge and you could spend all day at it and still not see everything…

1) Food – of every kind…not counting the petting zoo.
2) Shopping – if it’s crap that’ll end up in next year’s garage sale…they’ve got it.
3) Shows – ranging from the downright funny to the “ugh, hand me my beer” variety.
4) Events – jousting, parade of fools, axe throwing, costume contests, etc.
5) Atmosphere – it all looks so great…but the accents are hideous! Some of them are from Arkansas, for cripes sake!!

Don’t get me wrong, there are far many more good things about RenFest than not. And you can really find some beautiful trinkets there for sale. Trust me, I know.

And don’t worry if you run out of money after buying that authentic replica of an imitation wooden sword that cost you sixty bucks…there are plenty of “Ye Olde ATM’s” all over the place.

I thought the bathrooms – or “Privies” – were a tad inconveniently out-of-the-way. And why the frak do they put them at the top of every hill? What, are they afraid someone’s going to throw “it” out the window like they did way back then? Sheesh…I only did that once last year…

Then there’s the weather to factor in. See, if it has rained recently, well then it’s really like walking around in 17th century England. On the other hand, if it hasn’t rained in several weeks (as has been the case this year), then it gets to be a dusty affair, indeed. I’m still blowing out dust from…well, you can imagine.

On the whole, I’d give this year’s RenFest 9 out of 10 turkey drumsticks. It was, as usual, an ass-load of fun (and dust), tons of laughs, great company, boobs (love ya girls, but eeww), anniversary egg, etc. Looking forward to next year.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: