The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

Somebody hold my hair…(part 2)

Posted by Daniel on Thursday, October 26, 2006 I was saying, Steve made his grande appearance as “Maidzilla”…okay, I stand corrected…”Brangelina”. Wow, that was a stretch, Sweetheart. 😉

While he was downstairs regaling the thus far gathered crowd, this gave me a chance to slip upstairs in order to dawn what I’d hoped would be a cute surprise, but at the same time I didn’t want to be the center of the universe as tends to happen.

So I’m upstairs stuffing myself into a costume that, for all intents, was one I chose that would not be too hot to wear after an hour. Usually every year, I’m out of my costume at least an hour into the party because it’s either too uncomfortable, too hot, too detailed and cumbersome, or a combination of the above. This year, I chose something that was simple, lightweight and air conditioned.

Next thing you know, I’m calling Steve upstairs to check my battery pack, zip me up and velcro the neck closed. Then he’s sent out of the room while I…enflate. Yeah, just what every gay guy with an image anxiety needs is to wear a costume that makes him look like he weighs over 300 pounds, right? See, that’s so me. I have no shame and, try as I may, I just can’t do enough to embarrass myself in front of others. Truly, ask anyone.

Sidebar: I have chronic social anxiety, but refuse to take the “proper” medication for it. Instead, I choose to deal with it by being the goofy, fun-loving clown in public. Seems to work, though I get to look like a hyped-up idiot most of the time. Eh! It’s a livin’.

Now it’s my turn to make the grande entrance. Everything seems to be operating fine. The hair is fierce and the outfit is workin’. I turn to check myself in the vanity mirror – Oh, the irony. I can’t stop laughing. It’s all just too much. I even jump up and down a few times to test my stability.

The image “” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.Houston, we have lift off…

So I proudly waddle my ass until I get stuck trying to exit through the master bedroom doorway. I’m grunting and groaning, and from down in the foyer I hear Stevezilla laughing because of my current predicament.

At this point, I’m still waiting for our pictures to arrive (oh, for a digital camera!!), so this rip-off will have to suffice for now.

It’s nothing like this, per se, but you get the idea. Oh, and just for the record…I am nowhere near this rotund in real life.

Anyhoo, I manage to unwedge myself from the doorway, then bounce my way downstairs to a waiting crowd. You should have heard the level of laughter. My big plans to be subtle went right out the window, because the next thing I knew, I was dancing and bouncing all over the place.

Somehow, I ended up on the floor just to see if I actually could. It was no easy feat, let me tell you. This created a reason for even more laughter and then the cameras were whipped out and I was blinded.

Now the big test, trying to get back up. This proved harder as my costume rendered me more like a reverse-Weeble. I could rock myself upwards slightly, but I just couldn’t stay that way. It wasn’t much help that my godson, Ben, decided to use me as a giant pink trampoline in his 4 year old way of “helping Daddy“. I think he bruised my spleen.

Back to the party…

Bev & Mel arrived, bearing the giant bowl (ex-cake dish) of what is now the only thing I’ll drink when I drink…BOOZIE-SLUSH. Oh, the delicious decadant divinity of it all. As a reminder, this mix is a little treat they bring that is a mixture of several yummy boozes, fruit juices, mandarin orange slices, cherries, pineapple, etc. Frozen. I do so love a drink that can be eaten with a fork.

Suffice it to say, I had more than a sufficiency of this nectar from the gawds. Let me tell you, if you’re like me and have a problem with social anxiety…boozie slush is your ticket to fun and merriment.

Note: We at The Tempest do not promote the drinking of any alcoholic beverages as a means of treating anxiety. Seek professional help for any medical afflictions. Please drink responsibly. Vote Democrat. Lather – Rinse – Repeat.

Have I mentioned how boozie slush is the ambrosia of drinkie-poo’s? 😉 It took me three days to recover from the effects of partaking, but it was so worth it.

So the party rages on. Costumes are fabulous. Food is f-ing fantastic (thank you Garland & Kurt). Pumpkins are being slashed up in the garage due to the funky wet weather outside.

At some point, a game of Texas Hold-Em poker was started downstairs in the family room. This is always fun, and I think Steve ended up splitting the pot with his nephew-in-law at games’ end. Though strangely, Steve’s winnings ended up in my pocket after the party during clean-up. Hey, they were just laying there. I thought it was a tip!!

Which reminds me…somebody was tipping me during the party…with Monopoly money. What the frak??

All in all, it was yet another great party. As for those who missed it…Laura, Kyle, Todd, Danny, Curt, Deschner & Tom…well…you were all talked about…I won’t say if it was good or bad. But it wasn’t good. (I’m not one for gossip, so you didn’t hear that from me) Lesson learned.

See you all next year.

UPDATE: Here are some of the pictures…

MangelinaNothing this pretty could be real.Does this floor make me look fat?I’ve fallen and I can’t get…aww, screw it!Make sure you dust under the tutu.Is this boozie slush low-cal?


One Response to “Somebody hold my hair…(part 2)”

  1. gameboys 2007

    Somebody hold my hair…(part 2) « The Tempest

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