The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

Another MySpace Blurb

Posted by Daniel on Friday, December 29, 2006

I love you!  What’s your name?Okay, I’m not stupid. I know there are some very freaky people out there on “the internets”. (and now we can add Tom Delay to that group…)

And I’ll admit, during this blogs’ holiday hiatus, I’ve been using more time than I should to play on MySpace. I will also admit that it’s been a rather fun and educational little diversion.

Politics is always a fun carcass to poke at with a stick, sure. But if you’ve been watching the news lately, it’s all retrospectives and the occasional blip covering the Death of Prestident Ford. (I really am very sad about his passing.) However, since there are so very few political stories to be had out there – and believe me, I’ve looked – I have to do something to pass the time.

Enter MySpace. Now, I know I’ve written before about the newly discovered fun that was MySpace, but now that I’ve really had the time to dive into it…I think I fear politics less.

Now, before I start out on this funny little roller coaster of a piece, I do want to point out one thing: I have met some very interesting and cool people on that site. I’ve begun to develop some friendships-from-across-the-miles that are, thus far, well worth the MySpace membership. I won’t mention names (you know who you are), but they’re my “top 24”.

That being said…

Oh, the masks that many on that site wear. Cute and sweet and interesting is their hard candy shell. Crack it open, and the freaky creamy center is exposed.

I have now got somewhere around 1570-ish “friends” listed on my page. That puts me somewhere in what is known as the “MySpace Friends Whore” category. The thing about that is that I get 15 – 25 friends requests daily. People who are parusing the site, see my picture on someone else’s friends list and then ask me to add them to my page. Believe it or not, I “deny” about half of them each time. Especially if I look at their page and see:

  1. They are under 21.
  2. They have porn on their page.
  3. They have pictures of models, but none of themselves.
  4. They have no picture at all. (a big hint they are spammers)
  5. They are “friends whores”.

I really do try to screen these prospects thoroughly. Most of the time, it’s with success. Many times, however, they slip through my screening net with deceptions. I’ve noticed that I’ll get a friends request to add them to my page, and their picture will be”clean”. Then, after I look over their page during my oh-so-stringent screening process (uh huh, right), if they pass the mustard, I’ll accept their request. Then, after the request is accepted, their picture has magically changed to “beefcake”. Sometimes, even to porn.

Now, I know I’ve said it before, but I feel that it bears repeating…I have nothing against a little “Beefcake” or “eye candy”, and if you look through my complete friends list, you’ll see a lot of people use that for their profile pic. Perfectly fine with me. One good thing about MySpace is that they don’t allow complete nudity on any part of their site. If some happens to sneek onto someone’s page, that page is eventually shut down when detected or reported.

I mention the above because I get a lot of snickering from friends (in the real world, the ones I actually see daily) who tell me, “Yeah, I went to your page and man, there sure a lot of shirtless guys on there. What’s up with that?”

What can I say? Just because some of those people use that as their default profile picture isn’t reason to tell them to get lost. Although, if their page doesn’t have some intelligent blog postings or intelligent blurbs…they’re 86’d by me.

I think the only scary part about MySpace or any other site like it is those people who start off great. You know, they are super funny. Sound intelligent. Are low-key and don’t pounce on you with the sex-talk. And believe me when I say, I can spot a double entendre in their messages from a mile away!!

There have been a couple of people who began this way…and we had some very intellectual back and forths over the past few weeks. It was a lot of fun.


Something inside them said, “He’s ripe for the picking, now. Pounce on him!! Use the sexy words I taught you. He’ll love you long time. He’ll be all over you like Oprah at a buffet.

When you happen to notice the conversation is beginning to take an unusually dirty turn, that you can almost hear that wierd whispery soundtrack from the first Friday The 13th movie…

Chipp Chipp Chipp…Gapp Gapp Gapp…

Mr. NibblesNext thing you know, the person who was just earlier making you laugh, is now wanting you to urinate on them. Eeeeewwww! No kidding. Three people have tried that already. And the freakiest part about it is, when I block that person’s messages and delete them from my friends list, they go all Glenn Close on my ass…

“I will not be ignored, Dan!!!”

I then have to check to see if my rabbit, Mr. Nibbles, is still there. I’m only kidding, I don’t have a rabbit. Anymore. Chipp Chipp Chipp…Gapp Gapp Gapp…

I’m not normally a paranoid person, but I’m still waiting for the call from the Police, “Daniel, the calls are coming from inside the house!!! Run. Run!!!!”

Well, I’ve run on and on about this enough for today. Time to find something productive to do.

Hey, cool…I just got another friend request….C’mon, Mr. Nibbles…this guy looks pretty cool…let’s go talk politics with him…what’s his name?…Mark Foley?…He sounds pretty normal…

(scene ends with Daniel and the ficticious Mr. Nibbles skipping down the primrose path, hand in hand, to MySpace land…Stay tuned for further adventures…)


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