The Tempest

Not Exactly Shooting For \”Miss Congeniality\”

Archive for the ‘Just For Fun’ Category

Because life’s too serious…and because we’re witty, dammit!!

May I Suggest Crawford, Texas?

Posted by Daniel on Friday, May 11, 2007

vltr_lg.gifTexas State University’s plan to build the nation’s largest “body farm” of cadavers is on hold over concerns that buzzards could endanger nearby planes.The university’s scrapped its proposed site and began scouting a new location for what would be only the third body farm in the United States. The farms are used by scientists who bury cadavers to study human decomposition to help police better determine the time and manner of death at crime scenes.

Texas State had hoped to begin burying bodies later this year on a 17-acre (6.9-hectare) site on Texas Highway 21 near the San Marcos Municipal Airport. But after meeting with the airport’s commission Tuesday, the university dropped the plan out of concern that buzzards would pose a risk to pilots.

“While the increased risk might be very small, it cannot be completely eliminated, and we cannot go forward with the Highway 21 site,” Texas State provost Perry Moore said.

Plans for the site included a razor-wire fence around the property, vulture-proof cages to protect exposed bodies and a 70-foot (21.3-meter) grass buffer around the site to absorb rain runoff.

The University of Tennessee at Knoxville has operated a body farm since 1980. Western Carolina University in Cullowhee, North Carolina, opened the nation’s second such facility last year.

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Listen To Your Filthy Mouth!!!

Posted by Daniel on Monday, May 7, 2007

That’s Fucking Life, Ain’t It?Well, it’s official. I have a problem with words. Not actually speaking them…rather I tend to use the more colorful ones a lot more than I thought.

Subconsciously – that’s my story and I’m sticking to it – I never really knew just how much I cuss when I get worked up.

And, I’ve come to realize, I have offended certain people with my filthy words. While I don’t actually intend to hurt anyone’s sensitivities, apparently I’m a pro at it, nonetheless.

Is there anyone out there who knows a good method of keeping the cussing down to a bare fucking minimum?? Seriously, because this shit seems to be pissing off a lot of assholes!!

That last sentence really only applies to the arsetards who email me to tell me that I “cuss too much” in my posts.

Hmmm…I never really thought it was that fucking noticeable. I suppose I really should explain my language to those nice folks, right?

So here’s how I see it…

The whole time I was growing up, I tended to be very introverted. Actually, I think ‘meek’ more suits the picture of me as a tadpole. Really, in a family with eight kids, it was hard being heard or even getting noticed for that matter.

Oh, I’d get noticed when it came time to be punished for something (or nothing…but that’s a story for another time). And again, with seven siblings I’d even get punished for things I didn’t do because I was too much of a wuss to deny that I had done what my sibs did, and then blamed me for.

Make no mistake, I was no angel when I was young…I had my share of childhood high crimes and misdemeanors. 😉

Basically, though, I was pretty quiet and tried to stay off the bad influence radar. And all those years of silence left an imprint on me that I eventually (through therapy – picture Diane Keaton in “The First Wives Club”) shed that skin of silence.

Boy, did I EVER?!?

Now you are hard pressed to shut me the hell up!!

No Fucking Cussing, Damnit!!!

Somewhere along the line, though, I not only learned to open up verbally, but my language seems to have taken on a much bluer hue than I would have dreamed it would. Don’t get me wrong, I know how to keep a civil tongue in all the right social settings. But get me riled up or liquored up (tee hee) and I suddenly become Mr. Fucking Tourette’s Syndrome.

This also occurs when I’m confronted with a minivan. Any minivan. Even one that is parked and empty.

Fucking piece of shit minivans!!!

Of course, I could just blame it all on that cable TV company…

Posted in Just For Fun | 4 Comments »

I’ll Give You A Quarter For The Little Fuzzy Guy

Posted by Daniel on Monday, April 30, 2007

The image “https://i1.wp.com/static.flickr.com/59/203201921_32565c3337.jpg” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.Garage Sales are madness. And the only other time (outside of the Wal-Mart parking lot) that I see such a large concentration of my old arch enemy, the MINIVAN CARAVAN!!

But so long as they are actually buying our crap, I can deal with it.

This year’s sale was pretty good, I must say.  We managed to make twice as much money as we did last year thanks, in no small part, to the bounty that was the assloads of Spongebob merchandise.  One guy who was walking, managed to buy 3/4 of that and left here with about 8 large bags.  Thank you, Geeky Man, whoever you are.

Once again, Steve did all the selling while I did all the shopping.  I did, however, manage to keep my purchases down to $65…and managed to find some of the most beautiful Italian crap that fits perfectly with the motif of the newly-finished first floor of the house.  One particular heavy-assed wall hanging should prove to be quite the conversation piece.  😉

Business was up quite a bit this year everywhere.  Last year, only about 20 homes participated in the sale…this year there were over 30.  Thanks to the increased participation and subsequent extra traffic, we were able to unload almost every item that we had outside.  I believe we even got several offers on a pallet of paving stones which was just delivered so that I can re-do the landscaping.  I tell you, if the shit ain’t nailed down, someone is gonna ask “how much?”

Next week is the Neighborhood Spring Clean-Up.  A chance to get rid of all the crap that wasn’t bought by the frenzied masses this week.  Since I’m President of the Homeowners Association, I get to be in charge of that little event, too.  Going from shopping home-to-home to manning extremely large trash and yard waste dumpsters is quite a humbling thing.

And the Clean-Up lasts all weekend.

Think I’ll have to do some shopping after that…and eat Lemon Cake.  😀

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I Just Made a Lemon Cake, and I’m Tired

Posted by revelkc on Sunday, April 29, 2007

Hi! Remember me? Yeah, that’s right, I’m Revel, stalwart (?) other half to the Tempest. I haven’t been able to post for quite awhile, and I have missed it. Not that ideas haven’t floated in and out of my cerebrum on a regular basis–they have. The Great Idiot still pisses me off on a daily basis. His houseboy turned fall guy, AG the AG–I’ve seen better liars at closing time at the old Cabaret. Karl the Snarl, after he got out of my girl Sheryl Crow’s face (Sheryl, if you’re reading–I am a HUGE fan, even more so now), could possibly face his political Waterloo over something as completely boneheaded as violating The Hatch Act. (As Bugs Bunny says, “What a Maroon!”). And excuse me, who the hell is Mike Gravel? Before the Democratic debate (the feel-good debate of April 2007!!!) I had no idea he was running. I still am not sure he’s really running, but I hope so…he was on FI-YAH. I hope this, of course, for the entertainment value, but also out of curiosity that he might be able to wring just a few more bemused looks out of Dennis Kucinich. And last but not least, George T–or as the ever lovely Maureen Dowd calls him, Slam Dunk shows us all that it’s never too late to make your self look like a the whiniest of whiny lackeys to a misbegotten hell-hole of an administration.

All of these things have been on my own personal radar, like they have been for many of you. And I want to write about them, truly I do. But you see, I just made a lemon cake, and I’m tired. REALLY REALLY tired.

Ok, the simple making of the cake didn’t make for my exhausted condition. Hell, the cake was SUPPOSED to be chocolate chip cookies.

Buckle your seat belts, this is the chain of events that have kept me from slicing and dicing, George, Gonzo, Karl, and the rest (and Ann, she may be quiet right now, but that smell in the air HAS to be her….).

Lemon CakeWe were out of brown sugar, that’s why no chocolate chip cookies. So I compromised and made the lemon cake with white chocolate chips and homemade lemon butter cream frosting. Why did I have to have this? I WANTED A REWARD. You see, I have had home made chocolate chip cookies (and if I do say so myself I make excellent home made chocolate chip cookies) on the brain since a week or so before our Annual Neighborhood Garage Sale (at which we made a tidy $200.00, thank you very much…of which Daniel held himself to spending only $65.00…which is very good for him. He can tell you what he bought later, I think he’ll do it more justice). The reason? Because Pam complimented me to Daniel, saying I always had nice treats for sale during the annual event.

But I gotta tell you, the past 4 months of Gay Construction (which I subtitle the G.A.R.P. for Great Anderson Remodeling Project) have worn me out, and likely led to the shortage of brown sugar, which lead to chocolate chip cookies turning into lemon-white chocolate chip cake, which I insisted on making because I have been so worn out I wanted a reward.

See, it makes sense. Ok, rearrange your entire house, come back, sit down and reread it, and it will make sense.

The G.A.R.P. is our combined brainchild, a nearly superhuman effort that is sure to be remembered in a Beowulf style epic poem. At least on 18th Street if not all of Willowbrook. And Manchester, England…are we still big in Manchester? I hope so, I was hoping for some kind of band at the airport when we finally get to visit on our European-Australian tour.

I would say I just digressed, but lets call a babble a babble. Where was I? Oh, yeah…

The G.A.R.P. is what Gay Construction has been all about since the dawn of 2007. The Anderson family, or at least four of them, are coming to visit, as you no doubt already know. This required, of course, more than a light dusting. We have been in full tilt boogie mode revamping the Great Room, Dining Room, and Foyer, and it has been well worth it. And the Annual Sale is something we have been a part of every year since we moved here. I want us to make a good showing, we are after all the First Couple of Willowbrook. (That little reminder was for our neighbor, former first lady Nancy. She KNOWS why.)

So G.A.R.P. plus sale plus Pam and Daniel plus my undying love for a crazy Italian man led me to a quest for chocolate chip cookies that morphed into a lemon cake consolation prize.

Did I tell you, I just made a lemon cake, and I’m really tired? I’ve missed you guys, and I want to tell you all about it sometime.

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She MUST be talking about straight men…

Posted by Daniel on Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Some things I’ve been told by my jealous hag…

Men Are Just Happier People …

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

Hell, you can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress: $5000.00. Tux rental: $100.00.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

Belches and farts are not only acceptable, but practically expected.

New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

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Caution: Gay Construction Ahead – Part 10 – We + Wind = Whoopsie!!!

Posted by Daniel on Sunday, April 22, 2007

It is what it is.There are just some things that I am not good at.  It’s a bitter pill to swallow (take it from an expert) and really throws a crimp into my whole theory of just how creative and clever I am.  And as sometimes happens, someone or something must pay for my ineptitude.

Take yesterday, for instance.

On what amounted to yet another day of shopping for thingamabobs, doohickies and wachamacalits for both inside and outside the house, we first needed to stop over at Scott and Ray’s house.

They just bought a brand spanking new gas oven and so we decided to buy their practically-new flat-top oven.  A hundred bucks for something much easier to clean than our current electric oven seemed a steal.  And I’m all about making things easier on Steve…especially the cleaning part…which I completely suck at.

So we go ever there to pay for and load up the new oven.  It was a necessary trip anyway, as Steve wanted to drop off a check to Ray for the new super-computer Ray is going to build for him.  “It’s going to make Daniel’s computer look like a Commodore 64.”, Ray said.  And I’ll have you know, mine is pretty top-of-the-line.

Anyway, checks and cash delivered, Steve and I load up the new-ish oven into my truck.  Everything fastened down and steadied, off we go to bring our new treasure home.

Now, it’s only about 4 miles between their house and ours, and most of that is covered by two miles of highway, so it isn’t as though we had a lot of stops at lights between there and here.  In retrospect, maybe that wasn’t such a good thing.

About a mile and a half from home, we’re driving (five miles under the speed limit) and for a moment, we feel the truck lurch.  Keep in mind, this was a particularly windy day, so it isn’t uncommon to feel your vehicle move when you catch the winds just right.

This time, however, we caught the wind just wrong!!  A split second after feeling the truck lurch from the wind, we hear and feel a very loud BANG!!!  I look in the rear view mirror…yup…the oven was hit by the wind, came loose of it’s bracings and flopped face-first onto the bed of the truck, landing very hard on the dolly with which we used to move it.

Steve suggested calmly that I pull over, however I already knew what we’d see, so why bother?  “Let’s just get home.”, I said.

It’s funny the different ways people tend to see certain events.

Steve:  “Well, what are you going to do?  These things happen.  Maybe it was karma saying we really didn’t need the oven and probably would have burnt the house down if we wired it in wrong, anyway.  Hahahaha.”  (he actually did laugh)

Daniel:  “Wouldn’t you know it?!?!  Why??  Why did that happen??  Just LOOK at it!!  It’s completely fucking RUINED!!  We just paid someone $100 for US to cart this now-USELESS piece of shit away!!!  And now we’re going to have to pay the trash collectors even more to haul it away from our house!!!  Fuck…fuck…fuck…fuck…”  (this went on for another thirty minutes)

Steve:  “Do I need to explain the whole karma-thing to you again?”

I suppose he’s right, in a way.  Ironically, as we were pulling out of Scott & Ray’s driveway with the oven, I was singing the old Sanford & Son song.

So yeah, the oven is now trashed.  And once my Xanax kicked in, I found it easier to look at the new $100 piece as lawn art.  At least until trash day.

Today being Sunday means another shopping day.  It’s even more windy outside than it was yesterday.  I believe it’s blowing 25 – 35 mph.  Hmmm…We should go buy a new refrigerator.

Posted in Just For Fun, Our Writings | 4 Comments »

Could THIS Be The Reason Alberto Gonzales Fired Them?

Posted by Daniel on Saturday, April 21, 2007

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
at all?

WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty.
________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
____________________________________________
And the best for last:


ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Posted in Just For Fun | 2 Comments »

Urban Legend – With A Twist

Posted by Daniel on Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Steve is SO the white unicorn on this video.
(sing along…you know the words…)

Oh when you’re down and looking for some cheering up

Then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave

When you get inside you’ll find yourself a cheery land

Such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land

They’ve got lollypops and gummy drops and candy things

Oh so many things that will brighten up your day

It’s impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town

It’s the Mecca of love that candy cave.

They’ve got jelly beans and coconuts with little hats

Candy rats, chocolate bats – it’s a wonderland of sweets

Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band

Candy bells, it’s a treat as they march across the land.

Cherry ribbons stream across the sky into the ground

Turn around, it ASTOUNDS, it’s a dancing candy tree

In the Candy Cave imagination runs so free

So now Charlie please will you go into the cave?

BOOM!!

Okay, I wasn’t actually so much interested in the urban myth part of this…I mean, c’mon…who really believes in that crap anyway, right?

No, it’s more a chance to show yet another very pant-wettingly-funny video. And remember what the magical liopleurodon says to the non-believers…

The Magical Liopleurodon

Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun-a!!!

Posted in Just For Fun | 1 Comment »

Monday Funnies…Because I’m Old and Forgot To Do These On Sunday

Posted by Daniel on Monday, April 16, 2007

GrandmaA very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, (mid-eighties).

The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and say, “So tell me, do I come here often?”
———————————————————————

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”
The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
———————————————————————

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “Slim, I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?”
Slim says, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”
“Really!? Like a newborn baby!?”
“Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.”
———————————————————————

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple’s house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
“Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.”
The other man said, “What is the name of the restaurant?”
The first man thought and thought and finally said, “What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know… the one that’s red and has thorns.”
“Do you mean a rose?”
“Yes, that’s the one,” replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?
———————————————————————

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn’t need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly
let me wheel him to the elevator.

On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

“I don’t know,” he said. “She’s still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
of her hospital gown.”
———————————————————————

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but should concentrate more on remembering. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. “Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?” he asks.
“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asks.
“No, I can remember it.”
“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so’s not to forget it?”
He says, “I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”
“I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?” she asks.
Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream – I got it, for goodness sake!”
Then he toddles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
“Where’s my toast?”
———————————————————————

GrandpaA senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: “So I hear you’re getting married?”
“Do I know her?”
“Nope!”
“This woman, is she good looking?”
“Nope.”
“Is she a good cook?”
“Naw, she can’t cook too well.”
“Does she have lots of money?”
“Nope! Poor as a church mouse.”
“Well, then, is she good in bed?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why in the world do you want to marry her then?”
“Because she can still drive!”
———————————————————————

Three old guys are out walking.
First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?”
Second one says, “No, it’s Thursday!”
Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”
———————————————————————

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but, it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”
———————————————————————

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,
“You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

Morris replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'”

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.'”

———————————————————————

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, “Crushed nuts?
“No,” he replied,”Arthritis”

Posted in Just For Fun | 3 Comments »

Hey…Cheney FINALLY Killed A Real Bird!!!

Posted by Daniel on Saturday, April 14, 2007


Air Force Two carrying Vice President Dick Cheney struck a bird as the plane neared O’Hare International Airport on Friday.The aircraft landed safely. Mechanics checked the plane while Cheney spoke at the Heritage Foundation’s annual leadership conference, but the incident did not delay his departure from the airport to return to Washington.

Isn’t irony delicious?

“A bird hit the right engine of the plane upon landing,” said Megan McGinn, a spokeswoman for Cheney. “He was told after he delivered his remarks.”

At the conference, Cheney issued a scathing report card on Democrats in Congress.

“In Iraq, above all, the Democrats’ attempt to micromanage our commanders is an unwise and perilous endeavor,” Cheney said.

“It is impossible to argue that an unconditional timetable for retreat could serve the security interests of the United States or our friends in the region. Instead, it sends a message to our enemies that the calendar is their friend, that all they have to do is wait us out — wait for the date certain, and then claim victory the day after.”

Cheney rebuked lawmakers for trying to tie funding for the war in Iraq to such a timetable, calling such a move unacceptable.

He said it’s the president’s sole duty to direct military operations. He also said the country doesn’t need 535 secretaries of state, a jab at House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-California, who recently traveled to Syria.

After the speech, Cheney, accompanied by his daughter, Liz Cheney, made an unannounced stop so they could buy a birthday gift for one of his granddaughters.

Cheney posed for pictures with little girls while Liz Cheney secured a doll with a Western cowboy hat and get-up.

Posted in Just For Fun, Politics | Leave a Comment »